It's not gonna happen.
It's never gonna happen.

I'm too full of myself..

In the school library now. As per usual, it doesn't seem like library..

I'm feeling down. The weather's great for sleeping long hours.

School's been school. Results ain't that satisfying but Maths pretty good. I feel good for passing Maths. But.. I'll fail N with these kind of grades.

Okay, I won't be updating that much due to some personal problems. Besides, N's 11 days away and I should be facing books, not the computer.

Take care.. (:


:(

DAH LA EMO PLAK AKU NIE -.-

I didn't want to do this random bullshit quiz on facebook but when I look at the time, there's time to spare for shits, so why not. 

You know, you were someone very irritating from online you know that? I told my friends how irritated I was by you. I wanted to ignore you so badly but I don't know what kept me going. From that point of time.. till now, I'm still not over you. Very the babi sia..

Second day down, more to go. Happy fasting people (:



Couldn't lie to myself. I still do think about S.
why? because he left a big impact. N repeat it.
power.

Shall dream, eat, sleep, bathe, think, worry, study, shit, watch, drink, eat, eat more of N levels.

I hate it when life's controlled.
I hate it when good deeds weren't acknowledge.
I hate it when the slightest mistake made became the cause of such difficult life you placed me in.
I hate it when a mistake made, made you lose trust in me.  we learn from mistakes, Idk if you know that.
I hate it when nobody listens to my part of ANY story.
I hate it when I am the one who needs to give in every single time.
I hate it when I have to sacrifice fun and proper teenage life just to make you happy.
I hate it when I have to control emotions so that you won't nag and scold.
I hate it when I have to tear everytime things happen your way.
I hate it when I have to ditch my friends and not telling them whats the reason to avoid embarrassments.
I hate it when you never want to respect me as a teenager.
I hate it whenever my friends have to tell me that I have to stand up for my rights.
I hate it when you shut me up whenever I tried to stand up for my rights.
I hate it when I want to talk things out with you, you said I'm talking back at you.
I hate it when I have to agree on everything.
I hate it when I feel embarrass for such life I have even when nobody's around.
I hate it when I thought of something fun but I have to decline it because you'll never give in to me.
I hate it when I have to bare all these and just to dream about it.
I hate it when my friends tell me about what their mothers do/give/say & made me think about mine.
I hate it when I have to put the life I want on hold till... god knows when.

But tell me, what else can I do ?

I'll have to double my patience this ramadhan.

You're gonna be severely dealt with so don't you worry about feeling-feeling nak step besar okay ?

Okay, today marks the end of my prelims and it feels weird. Been stucked in the cold hall for a week already, gonna miss the cool environment while studying in the messy/dirty/disgusting/ classroom of mine.. Ah.

Okay screw the sciences can? So much for studying up till 2 am but whatever I've memorised and focused on, didn't came out. Where's all the homologous series that you teachers loooooove to test us? Where's the impurities, sand & clay all ? Where's HAEMATITE ?! Ugh, Chemistry was like aliens to me just now. Physics.. physics.. Mr Cheng do love to set difficult questions eh ! I thought his favourite was to ask the Ohm's law which I memorised by heart already.. Aiseh man..

So I managed to screw up my Sciences. I actually feel that I did better in  my Humanities which I dislike most. Overall, prelim's pretty hard.

AH, decided to give Night Class a miss today. Actually, I still wanted to attend because only god knows how dead bored I am at home. But none of the girls are going. The boys going terawih so I think I shall stay put at home and batheeeeeeeeee. hehe.

Best friend, don't scream okay?


Laptop's a bitch, SAN BA SIOLS ! ( HEHEHE ) Nooo, the thing is, facebook suck there, I can't do anything. Firefox's slow and I can't blog properly.

So today, mom got home and switched on the PC and played games. So I did some planning la. She will always ask me to help her find things in the game. So, I dragged a chair and played with her. Then, she said she's tired.. jengjengjeng..

So, I took over. Played the game awhile then I use. muaahaha. SO FINALLY RESTAURANT CITY !

I've got to catch up with my sleep already. How about 15 hours of sleep? Nice. And the weather's wonderful. Planning with Fiah whether to or not to go for class. She's pissed at home and I'm gonna get pissed to..

amaciams?

Fasting Month Starts Tomorrow. I pity the drink vendor who already know what drink I'll always buy. Now, he won't be seeing me no more. But he clever siaa !

Uncle: Tmr fasting already ahh.
Me: Yaaa.
Uncle: cannot buy drinks already. you everyday come buy from me, bring home then drink later.
Me: Aiyah, if I buy means I will drink it straight.
Uncle: But girls can laa, got one period can drink.....
Me & Alyssha: WAH PANDAI SIA.

-.- I know.. I know..


*****************


Eh, make sure you pass your Physics with flying colours or else I'm gonna laugh right at your face. Seriously.. since you said the paper was easy peasy kan? hehehehehhe, I can't wait for Phy lesson next week ! :)


NADIAH BTE ABDUL RAZAK ! DO NOT SLAP MY BUTT IN PUBLIC LIKE YOU DID AT LJS YESTERDAY OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

Don't worry, I'm pretty good at multi-tasking..

I'm listening to Sheila On 7 songs. It's rather sad listening to the songs, the lyrics although the music's pretty fast and stuff.. Jangan beritahu Niah is nice..

I'm memorising Physics formulas and some definitions and some examples. Ah, I thought I knew all of it. I mean, I paid attention during lessons, took down notes and I know everything went in but now... Everything's gone. Even for Chemistry. I rule in Chem back then but now, everything got harder and more challenging. I hate salt preparations. Don't you ?

And physics, what is up with all the formulas maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazxs. Kay Min just taught me a way to deal with tricky questions by playing around with GPE MGH AND KE. lols. Still don't really get it though..

I'm alone in the hall, lying on my tummy on the mattress with the laptop with me and my notes all over. Pretty scared because I'm alone and you know, weird things playing in my mind but I'm trying to hack care.. trying.. NOBODY FUN TO CHAT ONLINE ! makes me more scared. haha.

Now listening Steven & the coconut treez. Ah, feel so much better. lols.

*************

Maths Paper made me feel like I've done sufficient revision but not enough, somehow. Because paper two suck tits. I knew what Phythagrous theorem is, but the question was so damn tricky. Ugh, I also know how to solve that equations but why am I having so much doubts?

And why finding the K needs to times 50 ah cher? why so big ah ? I thought smallest integer.
AH IDK LA.

focused on Paper 1, none on Paper 2.

Got home and I went to bed. Woke up close to 5 pm and got ready for class. Met Dan for Ljs and met Alyssha there too. Lunched/dinner & off to school.

Ah, I'm tired.. Chemistry, I'm gonna trust myself and my knowledge..

Goodnight.

Look at the time.

I've just finished revising Maths.. The questions drove me bonkers, I must say. All of us have been focusing on Paper 1 practices as that holds a lot more marks than paper 2. Hoping that Paper 1 will be pretty easy and doable and not those driving insane questions.. Paper two, good luck to myself and 4N1/N2/N3 (:

I have to get some sleep. Been spending alot of time at school, for night classes and I think I've benefit today's session as there's a teacher, Mr Nicholas who helped us with our Maths problems pretty well. Well I managed to solve one question that my friend asked him -.-

He's not god and he needs google to warm up. buahahaha.

Pretty kicking I must say as there's new people at the table with us today and it's pretty fun to be with people you seldom spend time with. So yeah, I enjoyed myself today! (:

Friday's gonna be sciences and we're done with the Prelims. I'm hoping that Mr cheng or Mr Flavian would come and help us during night study tmr ? Yeah, most of us were hoping for it ehh.

Okay, you've no idea how fast I'm typing this entry. Tired. & I'm meeting someone in the morning. Sungguh malas! Must wake up earlier siols..

Okay, goodluck people!

Art was @!
$#%#@$%$^65$%^#$%@@ should have followed Danial to cabut. lols.

Mother Tongue & SS down. Mother Tongue was rather okay. Except for the Kefahaman Objektif&Subjektif. Stupid passages. Mt was yesterday..

So yesterday, I couldn't wait to leave the hall because one, it was freezing cold. Second, I needed to let the bomb outt. And the teacher didn't allow me to go to the toilet when she already taken my paper..Wholamak I tell you. 1 minute wait like 10 minutes. I tahan very very long lorr. Aish!

So after paper, went browsing for bras with bbys. Hilarious at times you know. Eeee to big. Wtf so small. Eh ni kain jer ! buahahaha. Okay, I know it's a little not grown up for this to be like this but come on, sometimes you do need this to feel better. The three of us were feeling down deep inside. Babies, we shall bra browsing everytime we feel sad okay? okay can. (:

Was pretty aimless after that. HAHA. Thought any of us would want to eat since I suggested to go to the banquet but no, we spent almost half an hour or more ( I don't know ehs ) there. Emo-ed for awhile there. Alot of woodlands sec students keep appearing before my eyes, surrounding me. Proceeded to mac because I seriously need to get that shit out of my head. Bought lunch eventhough I was still full. Was being sucha a sad queen yesterday plus I felt that I was super lazy. Lean on bestfriend's shoulder while eating. heh..

Best friend left. It was raining when Fiah & I went to the library to check some stuff. Yes, stuff not people. Then we decided to check some people. Yes check, not check out ( checking out ) HAHA. So we went around to find a place to sit and drink my bubble tea ah. Then we sat the Level Four inner room and there was these three primary school kids. Two boys, whose heights are like around my butt area & body size - you can just push them and they'll be at Hougang waiting for you. Yeah while the other 'member' was this horrendously fat girl with round specs who's spitting our vulgarities in almost every sentence...

- itu straight cb.
-eh cb kau eh. aku pukol kau.
- * SMACK* Cb... eh mcm kau ader gitu.

She even mentioned to the boys about her boy friend placing his hands at her shame shame area and then took her hand to place at his. *insert rubbing actions*

Mind you, it's the library and they're like small primary school kids. While I was in that age, I don't even know what's cb. I don't even have a boy friend.. well I do when I was in primary 5 lah. That girl also don't know feeling feeling boy friend I think. Then Fiah & I did couple of disgusted sounds and fiah even said stuff. Pissed off orh ? Mel and her friend too witnessed these nonsensical kids.

The boys, talked about this girl at school. Guys like to look at her as she got the butt. -.-
Inexplicable.

So we left soon after the whole drama ended. haha. Reached home close to 5pm and then out again around 6 for night class. Met the same people, Alyssha & Fiah and went to school.

Class ended around 9 and went home alone. Didn't know their parents fetched them.. where's mine? :( Got home and made dinner before revising my SS, hoping it'll help. Well it sure would, IF IT WOULD HAVE CAME OUT IN THE PAPER TODAY. 1@#&&^*%^w#$%@#$@!#@! it didn't.

Aah, it ended & no point dwelling eh. Wah, if only I'm this strong with my personal life. wahhh.

Paper ended 9.30 today and best friend and I went for breakfast at Mac (:
Went home after that, was feeling sleepy. Alyssha met Apizahzizuzoze. So I'm eating lunch in today. I've been spending hell lot of money on food lately.

At school and at mac, we saw this girl from school, with her new clan. Ah, tell me what's new maaan. People have ostracized you. So, blame yourself for your own bloody mistakes okay?

Will be going for Night Class todaaaaay. And tmr, fiah and I must must must come ! hahah. TEACHER INCHARGE TMR POWER OR WHUT ?

Put new songs into this blog.
STREETLIGHT MANIFESTO POWER SIOL.

mac & night study pictures shall be uploaded real soon.


*chants* 31ST AUG 31ST AUG

See, this is what happens when you engaged yourself too much to facebook & youtube.

See you guys remember Monkayegileisa right ? Yeah, I'm back to square one. I managed to stop watching his videos and visit his Facebook already but I don't know what brought me back to that path. I listened to Sayang Maafkan Aku and everything slapped me back right on my face. Ah, sad. Then I listen to Best Teman ! The first song I discovered & then went on exploring the rest which are all incredibly soothing & fun (:

I spent long hours on it.

Nie kalau aku dipanggil stalker baru ader kene mengene, giler.
bleahs!

Don't worry, nothing of that sort. Just one of my source of entertaintment & you've been an inspiration to me for you showed how much talent us Singaporeans actually have. With that, Thank you Isa & all the best !

So now I'm Isafieddddddddddddddddd, I shall study for my prelims already lah okay.

& shake, don't keep goaty and misai. mcm bpk bpk sia later people thought father treating daughter seoul garden.

Labels: add ke tidak siolll

MY BROTHER BOUGHT ME A DOZEN OF DUNKIN DONUTS BUT I WAS ALREADY SLEEPING WHEN HE CAME BACK YESTERDAY NIGHTTTTTT.

AWWWWWWWWW OR WHAT ??

Didn't know he bought me some snacks, but I did asked my sister to get me some food.. but she didn't. Woah, my brother read my mind somehowww..

hees, syg abg.

okay, good night & happy working abg ! (:

Seriously, I see this pointless. I knew it all along but I'm pretty stubborn. Stubborness brings me no where. See I know that too but I ain't changing. I ain't changing for myself. I ain't helping myself at all. How can I people around me to keep helping me when I don't even wanto try to help myself. Ah, indeed this is very very embarrassing..

-You are my sweetest downfall..

I feel the sudden heartache every time I talked or even have the slightest thought of him. I felt that shit just now while I was with Faz & Effa. 

On the happier note, I met a new friend whom we both already saw each other on Wednesday. haha. Bought myself oreo peppermint which I've long for & Mac Donalds which I could afford to salivate of for the past few weeks! Finally, but couldn't finish it. Laksa-ed before leaving home. It was drizzling when I left home and all I was hoping for is not to slip and fall on my bum.  haha.


So got home later than I expected.. Was rather having fun gossiping about this guy and this girl who's together just now and .. Okay, nevermind (: Wanted to meet Shaykh, but he was at this Kenduri at Jurong. So, skipped. Went home instead ah.


TRIED TO STUDY OKAY.. TRIED..


But nothing went in. Social Studies : Sosial. Okay partially my mistake too. For uhm, sleeping during SOME of her lessons. For uhm, doing other things during her lesson. But hey, there are times that I opened up my ears and mind and listen okay. But seriously, not much went in. huha.


Okay, I started the entry like hours and hours ago and it's midnight now, I'm still not done with it yet. Darian ar, being sucha major San Ba I've ever met! Haha. 


WOOOOOOOOAH..


FIREFOX CRASHED AND I THOUGHT I LOST EVERYTHING & DARIAN WAS SO HAPPY. SCREW YOU, I HAVE IT AS DRAFT. HUAHAHAHAHAHAH. MUAHAHAHHAHAHA.



( SECOND TIME HITTING A WRONG BUTTON HENCE THINKING MY ENTRIE'S GONE )


False alarm.


As I was saying kaaan, I don't like ah everything so last minute. Kay, not everything but just art. It has always been like this, giving us the topic at the very last minute. " teachers last minute.. then our last minute work also no time to last min " Okay, you guys understand or not ? ahaha.


Alright, I just remembered that I'm having class at 11 tomorrow. Ah, bugger.


Good night to all (:

Not begging, just wanting

Evening earthlings. How are you guys today ? I'm fantabulous. -.-


Temperature's rising since yesterday night. Checked: 38.5 degrees.

Good thing is, I'm able to walk around & eat normally. Duh, it's Irah you guys might say. haha. But usually I'll be bed ridden and will throw up whatever I take in. But this time, Alhamdullilah. Not much of the puking..

Praying hard that I'm able to stay focus tomorrow while doing my English Prelims. See, want to get sick badly and now I'm sick. Not the right time actually. 

Mom wanted to take me to the doctor again this morning but was drowsy as I took the pill already. For the first time there's no Paracetamol at home. All I have is the yellow pill & cough syrup. Aye, so I've nothing to cure the fever..

Hoping it won't get worse & will have to go to the doctor in the middle of the night.

Greeted with a tagged by Aisyaa. Yay, there is night class. Hopefully this programme will help us cause seriously, there are hundreds of distractions at home. From the tv, FOOD, internet, more food, milkshakes and all.

hah.

Good day (:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Okay, I tried out this draft.blogger.com/home website to upload pictures. Not that bad.. not that bad. Oh look, it's 4.30 am and I'm still up. Dad just woke up & I'm sure he's gonna tell me that I'm still up. Sure gonna get one hell of a lecture later. Bleah.

Awhile ago, chatted with Shaykh ! Wah, I miss him one la ! haha. Brother, must study okay. Don't go ITE. you yourself told me not to land myself in ITE. heh, see ya real soon okay? (:

As you can see, I'm pretty much a fan of Mayday Parade currently. I want to ask mommy for some cash to get their album. I don't know why, but I just need it. I need all the songs & everything. But, I'm gonna drop that thought because I'll never gonna get it. SAD LA KAN. MAYDAY TAU, I LIKE. bleah.

But I could vividly remember momma saying she'll get me an ankle bracelet. Ah, we'll see.

Ah, goodnight.

A picture I have been wanting to upload. Well it was taken during our CPF Board trip or something. I know nothing about it, only know we were going for an excursion that day. Turns out to be one great excursion ya know. The game was awesome, the food too! TEAM C! We won and conquered alot of pockys. hahaha. Alyssha, remember ? mcm penyamon sak kite due !

Anyhoooos. Holiday's started & I should be mugging like mad but I'm not. Most of the time were spent lazing around, watching tv. I think I owe myself some slack after chionging for the past two weeks.

Prelim's next week & I promised myself to chiong no matter what. Insh'allah.

Half of me wanted to follow the people who went to see the fireworks but the other half said no. Just few minutes ago, I got to know why half said don't. Nabil texted me saying if I've followed, I would have met N. Okaaaaaaaaaaaaay. & I've been thinking aloooooot about him lately. Ah, I don't really like this.

Just that text message managed to get my tears rolling down, what more if I were to see him right before my eyes? So, yeah. yer, yg sudah tu sudah. Memang game dah over eh. I know.

Happy 44th Birthday Singapore. Kinky theme song though.. The parade was awesome.

& I might receive an advance 16th Birthday Treat reaal soon, I think.





Almost 2 months. God, I'm willing to work hard to free myself from this insecure feeling. But I need your help.. Gees, vulnerable.

Ah, I'm pretty pissed right now.

Few days back, I clicked on Terry on MSN and asked about his hamstring. Poor friend, hamstring injury. haha. Chatted for quite a long time before I called it a day and have some sleep. And today, suprisingly, he Fb chat & then came online..

So as we were chatting.. I was rather enjoying myself and got myself so deep into the conversatio( sounds -.- but I mean, come on, your Australian GUY friend's chatting with you.. gotta be delighted right? )Anyhooos, was enjoying myself when my sister asked me to off for awhile as she got some stuff to do. Ah, heart break sia. I knew if I were to come back, terry will be asleep. Because....

iRAH: so what are you up to?
Terry: I was about to go to sleep when I took my ipod and realised I'm still online and the computer's still on and I saw you online so I thought of saying hi.
U?

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We were talking about his injury maaaan when I went off ! See now I come back, he's already offline. Alyssha's offline, Fiah's offline, Nabil also offline. Lucky silas still online leh (:

School: sleepy,ehausting,fun,alive,great,awesome,bored,sucky and the list goes...
Pretty contradicting isn't it? Different day different thing. Sometimes at school, I couldn't be bothered what was happening around me. All I did was keep shut, and do my stuff. Sometimes, I couldn't stop myself from getting engaged with the conversation the Chinese boys around my area talking & bully-ing me. Sometimes I couldn't stop myself from perah-ing minyak everytime someone irritates me with little questions.

But school's fun you know..

PART ONE: Projector screen spoilt, so must roll up to use white board. Nobody had the initiative to help.
HH (male): Eh amirah, go help laa. sit there do nothing. Ayer.
Me: Cannot la, girl you know. Later upskirt siaaa.
HH: Then don't need where skirt la, won't upskirt oneee.
Me: IYER HH ! heh heh heh, you ahh, naughty.

PART TWO: MEI REN YU ( mermaid )
Me: Brenda, wo shi Mei ren yu.
HH: * changing the chinese words into some smelly fish name *
Shefan: salted fish. & said bitch in chinese. ( gila sia )
ZhiYing: SAN BA YU ! ( bitchy fish )
Elith: * talking to Samson * ...... QI SI WO!
me: wo shi mei ren yu !
whole lot of people laughed. Was so random.

Then they called me all kinds of fish. From bad fish, to beautiful fish, SALTED FISH, bitchy fish.
Funny. That's why I was laughing nonstop during English lesson. Whooops.

You guys might not get it.. It's okay. Cause I totally got it. Up till today she fan calls me Salted fish. & HH , whenever he starts to bully me, I'll stop him by calling, ' upskirt boy '.

But it wasn't fun all the way. not forgetting I was humiliated as two male teachers that the whole class know I've got a crushed on came in.Esp MR A.C.C.E. BOTH WERE IN THE CLASS and people was like, amirah amirah amirah amirah amirah. Okay no point saying. Alyssha knows exactly how it went. Felt so humiliated till I wanted to cry. so badly.

NEVERMIND. NEVERMIND.

Art ended. Finally. Not forgetting Prelim's paper & N level paper two.

You know, I wanna raise the white flag soon. Cause things are getting unbearable around me.

Tons of pictures to be updated but blogger doesn't seem to allow me to do so.

It's Sunday and I'm sick, like again. What is up with me? I don't know. Down with flu which bleeds. It's been ages since I've visited the doctor. The last time I wanted to go was on Wednesday but Mom didn't really show she wanted to. Before that was.. During the holidays? Waited for Nad to wake up until Clinic closed already. Kay no la. Nevermind..

Mom always say go doctor la ! Can go out alone, doctor cannot isit ? Ma, boleh ma cume duit nyer kasi laaaah. Like as if I got ezlink gitu.. and spare cash. Bleah.

Already got dressed for class and had my breakfast. After eating, changed to home clothes. Niceeeee. So yeah, gave class a miss this week. Amalina setan's down with fever. Left Amelia alone, sorry eh kau. haha.

ok dah bye.
Drowsy thanks to the spoonful of ubat ngantok. lols.

Ohya have I told you guys that... nevermind eh.

REMOVED BY AUTHOR

Never Fails to bring me down again & again without realising you're doing it & when I took actions, you blame me for bugging you. Tell me what I should do when it's really you who wanted and then let go. Tell me.

Okay, I don't know what the hell was that for. Not in the right state of mind.
Happy saturday you.